Fear. Oh how it holds us back.
We’ve all read the platitudes on overcoming fear, know them to be true, yet still struggle to move past. We hold ourselves back, keep our light dimmed, our gifts hidden, and our voices stilled. Afraid of being judged or put down by some faceless person behind a screen, or worse, someone we care about.
We protect ourselves by hiding. At least I did.
Early in my career, I had the boldness and fearlessness to start my own company and it was immediately successful. I loved my work and advising clients filled my heart. The success I had as an entrepreneur helped me develop confidence and a level of self-worth I’d never had before.
But after years building my clientele, the government entered the chat, decided “things needed regulating” and the industry changed drastically.
My clients were taken from me, almost overnight, and replaced with faceless corporations and a fax machine. Yes, I’m old enough to have used fax machines.
Things devolved quickly after that and what I once loved became something I loathed. The thriving business I enjoyed had abruptly ended for reasons out of my control.
At the same time, my very brief marriage also ended and I gave up the house I spent a year pouring my heart into building. Though they were the right decisions, the stress of losing everything in a year’s time took a toll on my physical and emotional health.
Everything crumbled at once.
I began to shrink back inside and dim my light again. There was safety inside.
Though there were many other extenuating circumstances that led to these “happenings,” the point is life kicked me in the teeth. As it tends to do.
Eventually, I relocated to the Bay Area and found a new beginning as an executive business partner. The difference this time was that the success I found was in the background. A behind the scenes support system for other entrepreneurs, the woman behind the curtain, if you will. There, I could still advise and help others succeed but from a more secure and less vulnerable position.
Over the years, I worked my way up the ranks to Chief of Staff and eventually Head of Operations for a YC-backed startup. Even though I had progressed to a leadership role and enjoyed what I did, I still worked in the background and it eventually ran its course.
I wanted to effect real change and share everything I had learned over the years, on a larger scale and on my own terms. Which meant it was time for another rebirth, only this time things needed to be different.
But what would this next venture look like? How could I bring everything I had learned over the years to those who could benefit? I knew answering these questions and then putting those answers into action meant finding and reclaiming the boldness and fearlessness I once had.
Throughout my life and career, people have suggested I become a coach. But for many years I struggled to see myself that way despite “coaching” being at the root of what I’d been doing all along.
The reality was that my title rarely reflected what I truly did, and everyone knew it. Most of my days were spent coaching, supporting, and advising.
I was a connection between departments, managing operational flow; an intermediary between executives and staff, helping both see each other’s point of view.
That was what I enjoyed most: coaching, teaching, and leading.
I knew what fulfilled me on a deep level and I knew I was good at it but something kept me stuck. In the end, it boiled down to fear and self-limiting beliefs about myself and what I had to offer.
That inner chatter persisted and for a time I continued to ignore what people who knew me felt was my calling.
The time came to admit to myself that I was allowing fear to rule my life.
The truth was that I had been a successful entrepreneur early in my career and successful in every subsequent role.
However, for a time, I lost confidence in my worth and value. I had slipped into a belief that I was only successful for what I could accomplish, not my core values and innate ability to guide.
I didn’t see myself the way others saw me. And that was the problem. Others believed in me more than I believed in myself.
Enter “Dark Night of the Soul Part 3″…
Once upon a time, I gave every inch of my soul to a company I loved so deeply that a piece of my heart still remains there. And years later, some of that love returned in the form of an incredible gift. One that I will be forever grateful for.
It provided me with the opportunity to take a much needed sabbatical, focus on what I truly wanted and how I would get there.
I removed the outside noise, took a step back from the 15+ hour days, and focused solely on myself. Much to my surprise, I found “not working” and “not accomplishing” quite challenging at first.
First world problems, I know.
For the better part of a year I spent time in nature, meditated, and channeled my energy into creative projects.
I have to say, spending time in the darkest parts of your soul is not for the faint of heart.
The truth is, whether we’re ready to admit it or not, we all have a shadow side. The unseen part where we keep our “stuff” buried so others don’t think us weak or flawed. And when your life isn’t constantly filled with a task list, you’re left with your own thoughts. For better or worse.
But that is where change begins.
As Rumi said “the wound is the place where the Light enters you.” You must be willing to find the wounds and really look at why they are there. Understand what caused them and ask if there is any truth to those stories buried deep down.
Through that process I realized I had stayed behind the curtain and played small for too many years. All the while wondering why my life hadn’t moved in the direction I wanted it to.
Well the light DID enter and slowly but surely, the truth became clear. I overcame the insecurities and limiting beliefs that plagued me for most of my life. And began to see myself the way those close to me had always seen me.
The answer wasn’t that I needed a complete career change. It was that I needed to make a personal change — a shift into the best version of myself.
A shift that would allow me to show up with a different mindset and new energy, enabling me to be more impactful and help people on a larger scale.
Embarking on this transformative journey gave me a wonderful gift: the liberation that comes from letting go of others’ opinions.
Everyone grapples with their own challenges and inner battles. When we recognize the judgments and projections placed on us by others are merely a reflection of their own personal struggles, we unlock the freedom to embrace our authentic selves.
I know the depths of my soul and the fire in my heart. The talents ingrained within me and the hard-earned wisdom I’ve gained over the years.
These are the only things that truly matter.
If I believe I have value to offer, then that belief is an undeniable truth.
Period.
I discovered it’s time to stop playing small and break free from the shackles of self-doubt. Time to shed the cloak of selfishness and stop depriving others of the value I can offer.
After all, the experiences that initially pushed me behind the curtain no longer mattered. There was no longer truth to them, and continuing to believe them kept me from reaching my full potential.
It was time to let them go and start taking risks again. To shine my light and step out from behind the curtain.
As a result, here I am, back in the entrepreneurial game. Doing what I love — helping people, supporting them on both personal and professional levels, guiding them to uncover their blind spots, and planning for what lies ahead!
The most profound lesson I’ve learned is that everything happens for you, not to you.
Every experience, whether perceived as positive or negative, is a stepping stone on the journey of growth and self-discovery. What may seem like adversity is merely an opportunity to uncover inner strength and forge a path that aligns with our authentic selves.
Embrace the detours, for they lead to the people and circumstances that truly resonate with our purpose. When we shift our perspective and view life through the lens of possibility and embrace the unknown, the world transforms into a canvas of endless potential.
So start stockpiling the compliments and encouragement you receive on your journey.
Ignore the hurtful comments, the naysayers, and those who attempt to keep you down.
Especially if one of “those people” is yourself.
Shine your light. Push through the fear. And as the saying goes…you’ll find everything you ever wanted on the other side.
Brenna is a former Silicon Valley operations leader turned startup whisperer, using her own battle scars and tales of victory to guide others through the land of unicorns and disruptors.
